I’ve spent the last two years building a strategic communications and public relations business.
Having done that, I can tell you: It’s in my bones never to turn down a job. So much so that if you call me on a weekend at midnight, I’ll ask how I can help. The day after my son was born, I remember being on the phone with a client doing crisis PR consulting. I know that’s, er…not great…but it does show you what I mean about how hard it is for me to say “no.”
Also the client was in quite serious PR trouble and they really needed to hear my advice. Not that it excuses things.
“Sorry about that noise in the background,” I said. “That’s my son crying in my arms as I try to feed him a bottle.”
“Wait,” said the client. “I didn’t know you even had a kid.”
Cue explanation. Google “paternity leave” plus “America” if you’re interested in hearing more about that. Now, six weeks ago, I turned down some work for the first time. I have a free business consultant thanks to New York’s entrepreneurial state law. Her name is Iyesha, and she is very pleased with me about this development.
“The first time you turn down work and you know why, it’s a major step forward as an entrepreneur,” she said.
Which means I’m an “entrepreneur,” now. Instead of only somebody who’s become unconvinced by the trade-offs, working full-time. It also means, I think, that I can call myself a “businessperson” with “strategic insight”, now? At least, I’m working on it.
In this case, things came to a head because the client was ignoring my advice. I kept coming up with ways for them to position themselves as leading the conversation on a given issue. But they needed to do a little bit of work to do it. They needed to develop a little bit more programming to give them better standing to pitch in a busy area. Instead, they kept saying: “Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can you get us in the newspapers, anyway?”
Of course, I could try. But after a while I realized I was doing the PR equivalent of throwing a lot of spaghetti at the wall on a repeated basis. After a while, I realized the client didn’t want to do anything different. They wanted to burn through my spaghetti-throwing energy then move along. It wasn’t a reciprocal relationship. It felt like I was phoning it in when I threw the spaghetti. And not enough of it would stick. Journalists who trust me also started to wonder why I was sending them pitches that weren’t as strong as usual and I felt bad about it.
It was tough to say no to the work—this client was paying a good share of our rent! But I had to have the confidence to tell them, “I’m sorry, but this isn’t a recipe for long-term, sustainable success.”
Part of the reason I was able to say no to this work was because I’ve started to trust that there are clients out there who are a good match for me. I’m working with many of them already. So now, I’m doing the work to meet new clients like that. I’m going into those conversations with a sense of curiosity. Likewise, I’m remembering what I’ve learned. It’s nice to work for people. But they also need to listen to what you bring to the table and be ready to invest in the relationship by doing the work. Otherwise, the relationship will turn over too fast.
One can ask questions during the “nice to meet you” process with a potential client where you can get a sense of where they’re at on that spectrum. If there are red flags then I’ve learned to probe those areas a bit, and to be franker than I used to be about the risks. I’m at the point, now, where I’m looking for client relationships that last years, not months. So, I’m a little pickier than I used to be. To use a dating analogy, I’ve graduated from Tinder (“you look good, I look good, let’s give it a go!”) to the Match.com stage of communications consulting: I’m looking for something real, and the clients I’m looking for are ready for a deeper relationship, too.
Have a great week, and here’s to saying “no” and knowing why, more often.
