Not every communications consultant likes to stick around. They come in. Dazzle you with their charisma and bright ideas. Revamp your strategy, talk about their philosophy, drop the mic, and go. That works for some people and good luck to them. I tend to think it’s not altogether helpful to the clients in the end. But who am I to judge? I’m nobody to judge. I can assure you.
I do know; I’m different. I like to get to know people over decades. It’s just the way I’m wired.
I was texting last night with my mate Andy in Bali, whom I’ve known since we were eight. I’m also still in regular touch with a handful of my friends from high school. We’ve all known each other since we were 10 or 11. Even my friends from university are late editions to my inner circle. They’ve only known me for, like, 20-odd years, now!
Of course, I still like to make new friends. I like the process of navigating those relationships as adults. There’s more complexity to managing a social life at 43 than there is at 12. You need to give and get more grace. I get it. Although there’s something I still look for in all my relationships: Authenticity.
My friends from high school will tell you that our close-knit circle includes a lot of…honesty. At one time it took the form of calling each other names and yes, I suppose, hitting each other. We were teenage boys. It happens. Now it tends to take the form of mutual support when things are tough. There is the occasional “call-in”. The very occasional “call-out” because it’s 2022 these days. And of course, there are a lot of gif images and memes to keep things moving. Last weekend we all exchanged recipes that are good to cook when you’re exhausted, for your kids. My old friend Dave gave me a gem of a recipe for fried rice. I relish such interactions. They’re genuinely nourishing.
Meanwhile, I went to a conference a couple of weeks ago in Seattle (that’s me at the top, earnestly nerding out over Kurt Cobain’s cardigans at the local museum so I could send the picture to people!). I met a lot of people who do what I do, there. I find these occasions exhausting because a lot of the time you’re meeting people in “sell mode.” I’m not saying I wanted anybody to hit me or call me names instead. That would be a bit too stereotypical for a British boy who went to a private school. But I did sometimes find myself wanting to say, “yes, I heard the pitch, but beyond that, what are we all doing here? I mean, what’s the point?”
You know?
I was suffering a touch of conference ennui. I’ll admit it. Still, it won’t surprise you to hear that the interaction I most enjoyed was over dinner at a former funeral home. I escaped the conference with two other attendees who, like me, needed a break from the sell-sell-sell atmosphere. I used to love that HBO show Six Feet Under and I suppose there’s something reassuring to me about looking life’s harsher realities in the face. It feels real.
Yesterday I had a zoom call with my friend Lizzy. She and I first met in Portland, Oregon, back in 2006. We co-wrote, photographed, and produced a guide to restaurants and shopping outlets in New Orleans, five years later. Now we’re teaming up to work together on another project from across the country. The funny thing about Lizzy and I is we’re more like old family than old colleagues. Albeit in a healthy and functional way. I get it. Not every family is perfect. But those are the kinds of relationships I like. Working within an ideal, supportive, honest, and authentic family. They just feel right, and you don’t have to force it.
How about you?
